Not all victims of domestic violence will leave their abuser. This may frustrate their loved ones, but we must respect their decisions. There are, however, steps to go over with them to keep themselves and their children as safe as possible. Some examples include the following:
- Always keep your cell phone charged and with you. Do not hesitate to call 911 when you are in immediate crisis or danger
- When there is a fight, stay away from the kitchen and garage where objects like knives and tools can become weapons
- Stay away from bathrooms, closets, or small spaces where the abuser can trap you. Instead, go to rooms with locks, doors, windows, or phones
- If you have children, teach them to call 911 for help when you or they are in danger
- Get medical attention immediately if injuries occur. At first, you may not realize that you have injuries, as bruises can take a couple days to show. If you are pregnant, it is imperative that you seek attention immediately. Request that pictures be taken of the bruises or injuries for documentation. It is helpful to keep pictures and copies of police reports. You may not want to leave at this time, but you should keep it for later on if you change your mind and would like to file for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order for your safety. Medical personnel are mandated reporters of domestic violence. If you go to the hospital and explain how you received your injuries, the medical staff will report the incident to police
- If you choose to leave, you must have a plan of action. You should begin separating yourself from the abuser by getting a separate bank account, obtaining a Restraining Order and packing an emergency bag full of important belongings in case you need to leave quickly
- There are important items you will need to take with them, which can include: Driver’s License, Passport, birth certificates, Social security cards, green cards, immigration papers, immunization records, medical documents and medications, marriage or divorce papers, insurance documents, restraining order, car registration and title, rental agreement or mortgage papers, checkbook, legal and medical documents regarding your children, school records, cash, credit, or ATM cards, spare clothes for you and your children, car keys, personal items, toys for children, sentimental items, jewelry, address book and phone book. The point of this bag is to leave at a friend or neighbor’s house that you can take with you whenever you are in danger and want to flee your house or your partner. You can leave an extra set of car and house keys outside
- Having an escape route will prepare you for the moment you leave. You must know where you are going (to a shelter or to a friend for family member’s home) and how you will get there. Look into getting traveler's aid if you need to flee your city, as there may be programs close to you that offer traveler's aid to victims of violence. If the abuser leaves the house, you should change the locks, get a new private phone number, and inform neighbors to call the police if abuser comes to the house
- After you have left the home, there are again more things you must consider to keep yourself and your children save. You should change your regular travel habits or carpool with someone from work. You must always keep the restraining order on hand, and keep a cell phone to call 911 in emergencies. Travel in groups, go to lunch with coworkers, or ask them to walk you to your car. The children’s school must be made aware of the situation, or they may release the children to the abuser. Inform them not to give your address to anyone if you have left the home. Look into a confidential mailbox. Relying on a strong support system is very beneficial at this time. The most dangerous time for victims is when they decide to leave. Your safety is the number one priority.
- Establish a code between you and your loved one that you both can use to communicate with when they are in danger. For example, you can text someone the number 5, which you can use as a code for you to call 911 on their behalf because they are in danger and cannot make a phone call. Or, you can use the Circle of 6 phone app, in which at any time, you can conveniently alert six friends to call you or pick you up when you are in an unsafe situation
- Save some cash with a friend for if you ever plan to run away. The reason behind this is, the instance that a survivor leaves, the perpetrator can trace their location through their credit card, so you would need to avoid using your credit card, or have a bank account in your name only.
- Lastly, add the National Domestic Violence Hotline number to your list of emergency phone numbers. You can call this hotline whenever they wish to speak to an advocate for support, assistance, information, or resources. The number is 1 (800) 799-7233 (800-799-SAFE). Please note that this hotline, and the sexual assault hotline, is also included in the Circle of 6 phone app.